


soft and kind and gentle

by flowersandsunshine



Series: we deserve each other [2]
Category: Lovely Little Losers
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, background pedrazar, look i just need these two to love each other, make out sessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:11:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10410846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersandsunshine/pseuds/flowersandsunshine
Summary: Jaquie isn't a kind or gentle person, and she's certainly not soft. But then, she meets Hero Duke, and slowly, her walls come down and she learns that it's okay to be soft sometimes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AccioInvisibilityCloak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccioInvisibilityCloak/gifts), [Lady_Slytherin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Slytherin/gifts).



> i just need these two to love each other ok

“I am not a soft person,” Jaquie told Costa. “I’m not. I can’t be soft. I can act soft, for the sake of good theater, but I will never be a soft person.”

“I think you are soft and gentle and good underneath that tough exterior,” Costa replied. “You wear lipstick like war paint, and I appreciate that, because I understand that you are a warrior, but warrior’s have soft underbellies, and I think yours is probably softer than most.”

Jaquie rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Costa.”

“Roll your eyes all you want, you know I’m right,” Costa said gleefully. “Now, come on, it’s our final rehearsal! We should be having fun and, of course, being perfect!”

Peter laughed. “Perfection? We reached that stage a month ago, Costa.”

“Be more perfect!” Costa said, without missing a beat.

“Shit, he’s crazy,” Jaquie whispered to Paige.

Paige grinned at her. “That’s what makes this so fun, right?”

“Right,” Jaquie said. “So much fun.” She rolled her eyes and tried to stay focused on whatever Costa was saying, but she was exhausted from her shift the night before, and Costa was wrong and she was not a soft, kind, gentle person, so she didn’t really have the motivation to listen to Costa blather on about some other stupid thing, and she let her mind wander. She thought of dragons, and knights in shining armor who turned out to be females who gnashed their teeth and slay evil men, and roses that climbed up a tower like it was a trellis. She thought, and wondered, and ignored Costa, until she heard him calling them all to attention, before waking herself up and finding her place. “Here we go,” she muttered to herself. 

\---

Everyone in Peter’s flat was fucking ridiculous. Peter spent a long time angsting over Balthazar, who was cute, but didn’t really seem interesting enough for Peter. Jaquie never really understood what Peter saw in the small musician, but she guessed Peter knew what he wanted, and she was happy that he finally had gotten together with ‘the love of Peter’s life’. If anyone deserved true love (if true love even existed, which Jaquie doubted), Peter did. 

She went over to the flat and ended up in a pillow fight slash actual fight with actual egg yoke that Vegan Fred declared was a dead chicken, because Vegan Fred was an idiot who thought that unfertilized eggs were dead chickens, and she watched as everyone had fun and people, obviously, filmed it. She even noticed a couple of makeout sessions being filmed, which she thought was gross and creepy and a little unnecessary, but that could have been the subtitle for Ben’s vlog anyway, so she let it go and decided not to worry about it. 

Then a girl she hadn’t seen before came in, mascara leaving streaks down her face, blonde hair framing her delicate face, and Jaquie watched with interest as the physical chaos immediately ceased and a new, emotional chaos began. Everyone was trying to figure out what was wrong, and Beatrice was the loudest of them all, demanding that whoever had hurt Hero be cursed for all the ages, or something equally ridiculous. Another girl came in, Ursula, apparently, and Hero clung to her as she choked out her story of her older brother having cancer. 

Jaquie watched, and was quiet, and tried to blend into the background as well as she could. This wasn’t her group; she didn’t belong in this group, and she was sure she would just say something insensitive and make the blonde girl cry more, and the last thing she wanted to do was make the blonde girl cry more and face Beatrice Duke’s wrath. 

So she was quiet.

\---

“Leo actually hurt Hero a lot when the whole incident happened,” Peter told her a few hours later. They were sitting in his room, just Jaquie, Balthazar, Kit, Freddie, and Peter, trying to avoid Hero and her group of friends. 

Peter and Balthazar, apart from being quite snuggly, were trying to fill the others in on the whole Leo situation, as best they could without knowing everything. 

“Yeah, when he took Pete’s side over his own sister’s, it just about broke Hero’s heart,” Balthazar said quietly. “But she still loves him, I mean, he’s her brother, and her mums are probably devastated right now.”

“I mean, it can’t be easy,” Kit said, his soft voice filling the room. “It’s a tragedy, any type of cancer. I can’t imagine any of my family members having cancer. I would be living in constant fear.”

“You, afraid?” Balthazar asked. “I’ve never seen it.”

“It can happen, when someone I really care about is threatened,” Kit said. 

Freddie squeezed his hand and lay her head on his shoulder.

Jaquie suddenly felt like the fifth wheel. 

“But Leo apologized to Hero at the apology party, so they worked out their differences. I mean, Hero told me she and Leo have fought a couple of times this year, which never happened before,” Balthazar said.

“You talk to Hero a lot?” Peter asked, surprised. 

“I mean, yeah, she’s one of my favorite people,” Balthazar said. “We used to Skype quite often, before all the rules and the craziness made it hard to keep up with everyone.”

“Sorry again,” Freddie said quietly.

Balthazar waved off her apology. “It’s fine.”

“So, do you think Hero’s going to be okay?” Jaquie asked.

“Gosh, I hope so,” Peter said. “Hero only ever deserves good, warm, kind, soft things. You know what I mean? She’s the human embodiment of light and goodness.”

Balthazar nodded. “I’d definitely say that if anyone could be okay again, it’d be Hero. She’s like a flower that bends, but never breaks; she grows stronger after every negative situation in her life.”

“You should write her a song,” Peter said absentmindedly. 

“I should,” he agreed. “But first I have to finish the flatmate song.”

“Yeah,” Peter said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Balthazar’s hand. “But after that. A song for Hero.”

“I liked watching the vlogs with her,” Freddie said. “Back when I watched all the old vlogs from the year before. She was always so bright. Claudio was a shitty boyfriend.”

“So was Robby,” Meg said, letting herself into the room and sitting next to Jaquie. “That year was just shitty all around.”

“How is she?” Balthazar asked. 

“She’ll be okay. She’s staying over, in Ben’s room with Beatrice. Ben’s sleeping on the couch, I guess. This flat is about to get very crowded.” Meg shrugged. “I’m going to stay at Vegan Fred’s still, though, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

Jaquie almost broke the somber mood when she saw Peter tense up at the words ‘Vegan Fred’, but she managed to control her laughter and instead only smiled a tiny bit.

Balthazar caught her eye and his eyes twinkled, even though he never smiled.

Jaquie decided that she should give Balthazar another chance.

“We should probably all go our separate ways,” Kit said. “It’s almost bedtime anyway.”

Jaquie nodded and stood up. “I should get to work. My shift starts in twenty minutes.”

“Do you need me to walk you?” Peter asked.

She rolled her eyes. “Never, oh gallant knight. I can walk my damn self.”

“Good,” Peter said. “That’s my girl.”

She gave him a thumbs up before saying good bye to everyone and walking out the door to the main room of the flat.

Hero was sitting alone on the couch. She glanced up and gave Jaquie a slight smile. “Hi, I’m Hero. You’re Jaquie.”

Jaquie raised an eyebrow and nodded, halfway to the door but stuck by this small girl’s smile. “Yeah, hi, I’m Jaquie. Did you watch the videos?”

“Every one,” Hero said. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it,” Jaquie said.

“You’re so sarcastic and, I don’t know, have this protective shell around you that keeps you from getting hurt, right?” Hero asked. “How do you manage that? I seem to always get hurt.”

Jaquie was frozen, staring at the girl who had so easily read her just from a few videos.

“I’ve been studying up a lot on counseling techniques,” Hero said after a moment. “Learning how to read people so I can, I don’t know, help them.”

Jaquie swallowed before coming back to life. “I don’t know. I just tell myself I don’t care and then I don’t.”

Beatrice came out of the kitchen, followed closely by Ben. They had tea for themselves and for Hero.

“I should get to work,” Jaquie said, grateful for an excuse to leave. “It was nice to meet you, Hero. Sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances.”

Hero nodded. “Yeah. See you later, maybe.” She turned as Ursula came into the room. “Sit with me, Ursula,” she said.

Jaquie watched as Ursula sat next to her and wrapped her arms around Hero’s waist. She furrowed her brow as she fought back, what was it, jealousy? It couldn’t be. She just met this girl. She huffed out an annoyed breath and left the flat, resisting the urge to slam the door, fighting the feeling all the way to work. 

\---

“So, everyone’s gone,” Peter said, sliding into a booth next to Jaquie a week later. “Ben left, after officially dropping out of uni. Bea is back in Auckland, and so is Ursula, who obviously took Hero back. Freddie has basically moved in with Kit. Do you want to move in with Balthazar and myself, get away from your shitty flatmates?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jaquie demanded. “Hell yes!” She lifted her glass and clinked it against Peter’s. “I am so down to flat with you two. Any rules?” She grinned.

“No,” Peter said, rolling his eyes. “Just, I guess, be nice to Balthazar. He’s a little bit fragile.”

“I’m going to be so fucking nice,” Jaquie said. “Just you wait and see.” She took a drink and leaned back, relaxed. “I’m so excited. I feel like I can do anything tonight.”

“Want to dance?” Peter asked.

“Sure!” she agreed immediately, throwing back the rest of her drink and getting up to join him on the dance floor. It was easy, like always, just having fun with her best friend, ignoring the world around her, and she let go for the first time in a while, letting the tension bleed out her shoulders and dissipate around her. 

“I have to pee!” Peter yelled at her after a few songs. “I’ll be right back!”

Jaquie nodded and danced alone for about thirty seconds before a guy stood in front of her. He raised his eyebrows and she shrugged, hoping it seemed like an invitation that wasn’t too open. They danced together for a bit.

“I’m Kyle,” he said after a little silence. 

“Jaquie!” she shouted back. 

“Nice to meet you!” he said. “You single? Doing anything tonight?”

She smirked. “I’m busy tonight, sorry!”

“You sure?” Kyle asked. He reached a hand up and ran it through her hair. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”

Jaquie jerked back, shoving him in the chest and pulling her hair out of his reach. “Don’t touch my hair,” she snapped. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m busy.”

“God, sorry,” Kyle said, throwing his hands up. “You just seemed like you would be down to have a good time.”

Peter appeared by Jaquie’s side and frowned. “What’s going on?”

“This girl’s crazy,” Kyle said, before backing up and disappearing onto the dance floor. 

“Fuck you!” Jaquie called after him, before turning to Peter. “I’m done tonight, okay, Pete?”

He nodded slowly, following her off the dance floor. “What was that about?”

“He was hitting on me and when I rejected his ‘sweet offer’, he touched my hair and pushed again.” Jaquie shrugged, pulling her jacket on. “I probably overreacted, but whatever. It’s what I do. I’m hard and I overreact.” 

Peter was quiet for a second. “Want me to walk you back?”

“I would say no, but…” Jaquie paused. “Want to help me pack? I will move out tonight if I can.”

Peter grinned. “Sure thing.” 

They walked back in amicable silence, letting the cool air and sound of the nightlife fill their veins and their heads, ignoring the reality of life for just one night.

\---

Jaquie sat in her new room and smiled to herself. All her stuff was unpacked – there wasn’t a lot of it, so it didn’t take very long. She was free from her awful flatmates, and was closer to the university in this flat than she was in the other one. She was rooming with her best friend and Balthazar, who had been very helpful and actually talked to her for probably the first time. He wasn’t so bad, actually. Balthazar was pretty nice and interesting, once he opened up. 

She took a deep breath and lay down on her bed, listening to the leaves rustle outside her window. 

Time to start over. 

\---

It had been seven months of easy living, the three of them co-existing peacefully, when Balthazar came into the kitchen one morning looking nervous. His shirt sleeves were over his hands and his hair was especially pointy, which Jaquie had noticed meant he was anxious about something. 

“Hey, Balth,” she said over a mouthful of cereal. “What’s up?”

He sat down and took Peter’s hand. It had become a habit, every morning, and Jaquie was glad that it was still a habit when he was nervous. “Um, hi, I was wondering if we could possibly accommodate a fourth person for a couple of weeks.”

Peter’s eyebrows flew up, and Jaquie was sure her own expression matched. “Who?” Peter asked. “I mean, we have four rooms and only three people, so I’m sure we can have a fourth person if we want.”

“Hero,” Balthazar said. “She’s coming to look at the university, check it out, in case she wants to come at the start of the next semester, and needs somewhere to stay.”

“She’s coming to look into uni for two weeks?” Jaquie asked, dumbfounded. “That’s an awfully long time.”

“She also just needs some time away. I think Auckland without Bea and Ben is hard for her, and with Leo in recovery, finally, she feels like she can get away for the first time.” Balthazar fiddled with his sleeves and didn’t make eye contact with anyone. “Can she come stay with us? I already told her yes.”

Peter laughed and gripped Balthazar’s hand. “Of course she can. Right, Jaquie?”

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine,” Jaquie said. She shrugged. “It’s totally fine.”

Balthazar looked at her with perceptive eyes and she felt uncomfortable. “Okay, I’ll tell her to come whenever she wants. I think she’s going to drive, and she wants to come in the next couple of days.”

“Cool,” Peter said. “Tell her I say hi.”

Balthazar stood up and left the room.

Jaquie took another bite of cereal before looking at Peter. He was staring at her. “What?” she asked.

“Why were you so weird about that? It’s Hero. Everyone likes Hero. Our lives are probably going to improve for the next couple of weeks.” Peter chuckled. “Wow, it feels awesome to be able to say that without feeling guilty. I love this whole forgiving myself thing.” 

“Whatever, it’s fine. I’m glad Hero’s coming.” Jaquie rolled her eyes subtly and stood up to rinse her bowl out. 

“Okay,” Peter said. He sounded suspicious but let it go. 

\---

Hero arrived a couple of days later, as the sun was setting. There was a knock at the door and Jaquie opened it, recognizing the girl immediately from the last time they had met. “Hey,” she said, before really looking at her and sucking in a breath. 

The sun was just going down, and it illuminated Hero’s hair, making it start to glow. Her white dress was almost luminescent, and it gave the impression that Hero was an angel all around. 

How annoying.

“Hi, Jaquie,” Hero said. “Thanks for letting me come stay here. I appreciate it a lot.”

“Yes, well, we have a fourth bedroom, so why not?” Jaquie asked. “Come in.”

Hero came in the front door, pulling a suitcase behind her. “Which room am I in?”

“Ben’s old room is the free one right now,” Jaquie said. “Feel free to vlog whatever you want in there; I think Ben would love to see that room again.”

Hero laughed a little, but there was no actual mirth in the laugh. “I don’t think I’m going to vlog again. Ever. It’s not really, well, my thing anymore.”

“I get it.” Jaquie turned around. “Peter! Balthazar! Hero is here!”

Balthazar poked his head out of his room. “Hey, Hero,” he said, coming over to give her a hug.

Hero grinned and hugged him tightly. “Balth, I’ve missed you so much,” she said. “It’s so good to see you.” She pulled back and smiled at him warmly. “How are you doing?”

“Can’t complain,” he said calmly. 

“Hey!” Peter shouted, coming out of his room and enveloping Hero in a big hug. “I’m glad you’re here! We’re going to teach you what being a college student is all about!” 

Hero laughed and hugged him back. “Maybe not everything, yeah?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Peter asked her. “You have to do the whole experience!”

She giggled. “I don’t want to do some of the experience, but okay, maybe most of it.”

“Good.” Peter pulled back and grabbed Balthazar’s hand. “Look at us four. A regular flat.”

“Nothing about our flat is regular,” Jaquie said.

“Regular enough,” Balthazar said, shrugging.

“Oh, yes, our flat: regular enough. That could be a tv show.” Jaquie rolled her eyes but smiled. “I hope you enjoy it here, Hero.” 

Hero beamed at her. “I think I will. Thank you, Jaquie.”

Jaquie nodded at her before turning and disappearing into her room. There was only so much smiling she could take before she got sarcastic and she didn’t think Hero deserved that. 

\---

“Hey, can you take Hero to Boyet’s today? She wants to say hi to Kit and Freddie, and they’re meeting her there, and I was gonna take her, but I can’t miss any more class or my grade is getting dropped, and Balthazar has a meeting with a professor,” Peter said, pulling on his jacket. “Thank you, you’re the best.”

He left immediately after that and Jaquie blinked in surprise. “Sure?” she said to an empty room.

The past couple of days hadn’t been bad. Hero was kind and did a shit ton of the dishes and cleaning. She spent most of her time with Balthazar, just talking or playing songs or wandering about Wellington together, but Peter spent some time with her as well. They all had dinner together, mostly vegan dinners, and got along together pretty well for that hour of the night. Jaquie had managed to not say anything offensive and considered that a win. But she wasn’t sure how to spend alone time with Hero.

The massive crush she was getting on the golden girl wasn’t helping, either. 

Jaquie rolled her eyes at herself and went to knock at Hero’s door. “Hey, Hero, I’m taking you to Boyet’s whenever you want to leave.”

The door swung open and Hero glanced out. “Really?” she asked. “That’d be great! I assumed I wouldn’t have a tour guide for today.”

Jaquie resolutely Did Not Notice the way Hero’s dress accented her curves, or how her hair cascaded down to frame her face, and tried to ignore the vague, uncomfortable predator feeling. Like she was a creepy dude in a bar checking out a girl. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m free today and Peter said you needed to go, so I’m going to take you.”

Hero grinned. “That’s awesome. Thank you so much, Jaquie. I appreciate it a lot. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.” 

“Okay.” Jaquie watched as she shut the door and sat on the couch. “There is nothing wrong with girls being attracted to girls,” she reminded herself. “There is nothing predatory about that.” 

“What did you say?” Hero asked, opening the door again.

“Nothing.” Jaquie smiled at her. “You ready?”

“Yes!” Hero exclaimed. She had a purse slung over her shoulder. “Let’s go.” 

As far as walks with pretty girls in the bright sunlight went, it wasn’t bad. They made small talk, and Hero told Jaquie about her dreams for the future, which mostly included university, a career, a spouse, and some pets. It sounded nice and calm, well thought out. Just like Hero. 

Jaquie kept her expression blank and solid the entire time they walked to Boyet’s together, trying to will the unnecessary feelings away. She couldn’t have feelings for Hero. Hero’s ideal life was far from hers, which involved chaos and world domination and maybe a life partner at the end of it all. Besides, she was pretty sure Hero was straight, and she couldn’t fall for a straight girl again. She couldn’t. So she kept her expression blank and her heart reserved, reminding herself that it was for the best. Removing herself from the situation would be even better, but she promised Peter, so she nodded at the appropriate moments, added comments when Hero paused, and prayed they would reach Boyet’s soon so she could leave. 

Jaquie brightened a little when they reached Boyet’s and she saw who they were meeting with. “Chelsey!” she exclaimed. “Paige! It’s so good to see you.”

Chelsey and Paige immediately stood and came to give them hugs. 

“It’s so good to see you, too, stranger,” Paige said, giving Jaquie a tight hug. “How have you been?”

“Good, good, just doing the uni thing,” Jaquie said. “Hey, Chelsey,” she said, as Chelsey came over to give her a hug. 

Hero smiled at them. “It really is nice to see you,” she said.

“Yeah,” Paige said. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“How long are you here for?” Chelsey asked, settling down in their booth. Everyone followed her and sat down. 

“Just a few more days,” Hero said. “I’ve just been visiting to, you know, get out of Auckland, see the world a little bit. I’ve been considering transferring to the uni here.”

“What’s wrong with the uni you go to?” Paige asked.

Jaquie blinked in surprise. She had been under the impression that Hero wasn’t in uni, but…

“I was a fashion design major, but it doesn’t feel right anymore, so I want to change majors, but I don’t want to do a different art major, and that’s all they have. Art.” Hero fiddled with her coffee cup a little bit.

“What do you want to do?” Paige asked.

“I want to help people, in any way I can,” Hero said. “Maybe a counsellor. Maybe. I’m not sure yet.”

“Well, I think you would be a great counsellor,” Paige said, smiling softly.

“I think you would be, as well,” Hero teased her. 

Paige rolled her eyes and laughed. “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…”

“We’d be rich and could buy so many cats!” Chelsey piped up. 

They all laughed and Jaquie found herself reaching over to squeeze Hero’s hand. “You would be good at that, though,” she said, before dropping Hero’s hand quickly. 

Hero’s eyes widened a little bit and her face glowed. “Thanks,” she said softly. 

Jaquie bit her lip and turned back to Chelsey. “So, how are your cats?” she asked.

The following conversation was safe and strayed far from anything really personal. Chelsey loved talking about her cats, Paige loved talking about her music, Hero loved listening to people, and Jaquie was content to just be quiet. It was calm and Jaquie was grateful. 

\---

“You’re already in uni?” Jaquie asked Hero on their way back.

“Yeah. I go to an arts university.” Hero glanced at her. “I just don’t want to be a fashion designer anymore. When I had just graduated high school, I had been taking care of Leo so much that I thought I would do something fun for myself, so I did fashion design, but now, it feels so selfish and I want to do something for others.”

Jaquie nodded slowly. “I see.”

“Do you think that’s dumb? Should I stay in the program I’m already invested in?” Hero asked.

Jaquie realized suddenly that Hero was nervous about this. She didn’t know what to do, and she was asking for advice… “I think you should do whatever your heart tells you to do,” Jaquie said slowly. “Whatever it tells you to do. That’s going to be your best option. If you really love fashion design and it’ll make you happy for the rest of your life, or until you have enough money to pay off the program, then do fashion design. If you really want to help other people, then do that. Come to Wellington and help others.”

Hero nodded. “Okay. Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Jaquie smiled at her and they walked back to the flat in silence.

\---

“Do you want to come to Costa’s play tonight?” Peter asked the next day.

Jaquie raised her eyebrows. “What play?” 

“It’s called…” Peter picked up a flyer and held it out. “Lovely Little Losers.”

“Oh, god,” Jaquie said, wrinkling her nose. “Is that supposed to be you?”

“And Ben, I believe,” Peter said.

“Balthazar, are you going?”

Balthazar looked up from his music theory homework and shrugged. “It seems a little ridiculous to me. But then, it’s Costa, so it makes sense that it would be ridiculous. It might be fun.”

“So, yes?” Jaquie asked.

“Hero, do you want to go?” Balthazar asked instead of answering.

Hero grinned. “Um, yes, I would love to see a play by the famous Costa. We should definitely go.”

“Yay!” Peter said sarcastically. “We’re going to go watch him try to capture our lives. How thrilling.”

Jaquie laughed. “It’s going to be super fucking fun,” she said, nodding. “Right?”

“Right!” Hero said. 

They grinned at each other before Jaquie looked away, blinded by Hero’s smile. 

Fuck.

\---

Everyone was there. Meg and Freddie were flirting heavily, and Jaquie watched them out of the corner of her eye. She smiled at Paige and Chelsey, always glad to see the two of them. They were literally the best. 

Balthazar came over and sat next to her. “So.”

“So.” Jaquie took a sip of her beer.

“You have a huge crush on Hero,” Balthazar said, almost so quietly she didn’t hear it.

“Fuck off, Balthazar,” Jaquie muttered. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She managed to keep her expression level and her voice steady, but she felt her heartrate pick up. Stupid heart.

“Just saying,” Balthazar said mildly. “Are you going to do anything about that?”

“Probably not,” Jaquie said. “She’s straight, anyway.”

Balthazar laughed quietly. “I don’t think any of our friends are straight. Not a single one of them.”

Jaquie paused and turned to face him. “What? Wait. You mean the people here, or is Ben…?”

Balthazar just shrugged and smiled calmly. “I said what I said.”

She stared at him for a moment and was just about to ask more when the lights dimmed. 

“Show’s starting,” Balthazar said cheerfully. “Talk to you after!”

She watched him move to sit by Peter and felt Hero slip into the seat next to her, Meg on the other side. Jaquie looked at Hero and smiled, but didn’t have a chance to say anything before the play started. 

\---

It was awful. Jaquie cringed quite often, wondering how the hell Costa made the adaptation choices he did. The only thing that remotely resembled their actual lives was the sword fighting scene, and even that was a little ridiculous because they guy playing Costa couldn’t pull it off at all and ended up looking like a drunken idiot waving his sword around. 

When the final song ended and the lights went back up, Jaquie breathed a sigh of relief. The bar was about to open the dance floor, and she was hoping to get that awful play out of her system by dancing and drinking the night away. 

(She absolutely did not want to get Hero out of her system, as well. No, this was purely to get rid of the memory of Costa’s horrible version of Jaquie. That’s it. Nothing else.)

She made small talk with the rest of her friends, made a lot of sarcastic remarks to Costa that she was sure he took at face value, and drank another beer before the dance floor was opened up. 

Jaquie looked towards the dance floor and turned to her friends. “Anyone want to dance?” She glanced around. “Hero?” She winced as soon as she asked, waiting for the rejection, or worse, the “straight girl” dancing that was to come.

Hero looked up at her suddenly. “What? Really?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

Hero nodded. “Okay, sure, why not?”

Jaquie smiled slightly and reached for her hand, dragging her out to dance to a song she had heard before but didn’t really know, letting go of all her stupid feelings and letting the music take over. She took her hair out of its ponytail and just danced, laughing with Hero, casually touching her every once in a while, watching the colors dance over her face and her hair. 

Hero smiled when the third song started, saying something about loving the song, her lipstick glinting in the lights, her hair bouncing on her shoulders. 

Jaquie smiled back, her heart rate high, her exhilaration higher. She reached out and bumped her arm against Hero’s. 

Hero reached out and grabbed Jaquie’s arm, sliding her hand down her arm, linking their fingers together. She raised her eyebrows and looked directly into Jaquie’s eyes, almost as a challenge. 

Jaquie leaned forward slightly, her breath hitching in her throat, all of her previous bravado gone as she sent a quick prayer to whatever god might be listening. 

Hero didn’t back away, but leaned forward, a little closer, still meeting Jaquie’s eyes, bold, confident, beautiful. 

Jaquie swallowed, hard, before closing the distance and placing her mouth on Hero’s. For the space of a breath, they didn’t do anything, just let the moment wash over them, and then they began to move, mouths working together desperately, hands flitting over arms, and backs, and clothes, heartbeats beating together; they moved as one unit, kissing like their lives depended on it, kissing as if they might not ever get the chance again.

After a while of desperate kisses and lingering touches, Jaquie pulled back slowly. Hero’s eyes were still closed, her mouth slightly puckered, before she opened her eyes and looked up at Jaquie again. 

Jaquie bit her lip and tried to stop her smile, but she couldn’t. It was large and bright and she was sure it reached her eyes. “Okay?” she finally asked.

Hero nodded. 

Jaquie waited. “Nothing else to say?”

“Do you want to make out some more?” Hero asked. 

Jaquie’s eyebrows flew up and she grinned. “I would love nothing more, Hero Duke.”

They met in the middle again, slower this time, less desperate, but still heated.

Jaquie’s head was spinning. Here she was, in the middle of a crowded dance floor, making out with an angel with hair of gold and eyes as deep as an ocean, and she was fucking reciting poetry in her head, and she didn’t care, because it was Hero Duke, and this was everything. This was everything. She never thought she would be here, and yet, Hero had her arms wrapped around her neck, and nothing had ever felt more right. 

She understood now the phrase from the Christian Bible, where God looked at His creation and said, “It is good.” She had always felt that the phrase was so inadequate for the Earth and all things in it, but now she understood that the phrase was all-encompassing, and the adjective “good” was merely a placeholder for every other beautiful adjective in the Hebrew adjective. Good did not mean good anymore. It meant breathtaking, lovely, wonderful beyond compare. 

Hero’s arms were around her neck, her mouth was on her own, and it was good. 

\---

They started dancing again after a while, lighthearted and free, laughing together as if nothing had changed between them. Jaquie supposed nothing had. 

Peter ended up coming over, tapping Jaquie on the shoulder, after a significant amount of time had passed. “Hey, Balthazar and I are heading back,” he said, a smug smile on his face. 

Jaquie wiped the sweat off her forehead and nodded. “Hero? Want to go?”

Hero smiled and nodded back. “Yeah, let’s go back to the flat.” 

They all walked out together, out into the cool night air and the quieter street. Jaquie could still feel the beating of the bass inside her body, thrumming through her veins, making her feel more alive than she had in a long time. She smiled at Hero a few times on the walk home, stealing looks and chiding herself for it, but other than that, they all walked in comfortable silence, letting the night sky calm them down. 

When they got back, Hero bit her lip and sat on the couch. “I think I’m too wired to go to sleep just yet. Do any of you want to watch something with me?”

Jaquie looked at Peter and Balthazar. “I mean, yeah, I would love that. Guys?”

Balthazar nudged Peter discreetly, but Jaquie caught it. “I’m beat,” Balthazar said. “I think I’m just going to, you know, sleep. Pete?”

Peter smirked a little bit. “Yeah, let’s go sleep, Balthazar.”

Balthazar rolled his eyes a little bit. “Good night, guys. Sleep well.”

“Good night, Balthazar,” Hero said. “Good night, Peter slash Pedro.”

Peter grinned, a real smile this time, before taking Balthazar’s hand and leading him to his bedroom, shutting the door behind them with a quiet click. 

Jaquie sat next to Hero on the couch. “What do you want to watch?”

Hero shrugged, picking up the remote and turning on the TV. “Whatever’s on, I guess.” She flipped through a few channels before settling on a children’s cartoon. “This?”

“Sure,” Jaquie said. Her heartbeat increased, and she wondered whether she should say anything or not. Sure, she had a massive crush on Hero, but she didn’t even know where Hero would be going to school, and she didn’t know how Hero felt about her, and…

“So what happened tonight?” Hero said quietly, interrupting her thoughts. 

“We made out,” Jaquie said. She shrugged. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, we definitely did,” Hero said, laughing a little. 

“And it was great,” Jaquie added. 

“Yes.” Hero looked up at her and smiled slowly. “It was.”

“So, are you… what’s your sexuality, if you don’t mind telling me?” Jaquie asked after a second. 

Hero shrugged. “I don’t know. I always thought I was just straight, but now, um…” She blushed and looked down at her hands. “Well, after tonight, that’s obviously not true.”

“Oh.” Jaquie raised her eyebrows. “So you haven’t ever liked a girl before?”

Hero shrugged again. “I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, I haven’t liked a girl enough to try to kiss her before.” She raised her eyes and looked at Jaquie. “Until tonight.”

Jaquie smiled a little bit. 

“What’s your sexuality?” Hero asked.

“I’m pan,” Jaquie said immediately. 

“No doubt about it?”

“Nope,” Jaquie said. “It’s just the right label, you know? It fits.”

“Cool,” Hero said. “Cool.” She watched the TV for a few minutes, laughing softly every once in a while. Jaquie watched the lights on her face for the second time that night, looking at the soft girl with the beautiful soul watch cartoons with a smile on her face. 

“Are you going to come to Wellington next semester?” Jaquie blurted out after a few minutes. 

“What?” Hero asked. “Oh.” She hesitated. “I mean, I have to think about it, but maybe. Yeah. I think so.” 

Jaquie smiled again. “Cool.”

They both watched the TV, laughing in unison a few times, letting the plot wash over them, letting whatever feelings there were between them remain unsaid, if at least for the night. 

It would be okay. Jaquie knew it. No matter what, it would be okay. 

\---

The next couple of days were extremely busy for Jaquie, and she only saw Hero in the morning for breakfast and in the evening, after dinner. It was frustrating, but she enjoyed stealing smiles with her, letting whatever was between them stay between them, for the time being. She was okay being ambiguous for a little bit more time. 

She was surprised, however, when she came home one night to find Hero completely packed and about ready to leave. 

“You’re going back today?” Jaquie asked, frowning slightly. 

Hero nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, this was always the plan,” she said. 

“Oh.”

They were both quiet for a moment. 

“I, um,” Jaquie said awkwardly, “I’ll miss you.” She shoved her hands in her pockets, unsure of what she should be doing with them.

Hero looked at her, hard, like she had something to say but didn’t know how to say it. “Yeah,” she finally said. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Jaquie nodded. “Are the boys seeing you off?” she asked. 

“Yeah, they’re taking me to the airport,” Hero said. 

“Cool.” Jaquie waited for Hero to say something, anything, but it looked like she was going to remain quiet. “Okay. I actually have to get to work.” 

“Oh.” Hero bit her lip before stepping forward and giving her a quick hug. “I’ll probably see you around,” she said. 

Jaquie let her arms tighten around Hero for a moment before stepping back. “See you around,” she said, before walking into her room and shutting the door. She leaned against the closed door and let out a sigh. 

She had known it was unrealistic to assume Hero would ever want to date her, but…that hadn’t stopped her from getting her fucking hopes up, and it felt like being carried up a mountain and then dropped from the top by someone you trusted most. 

It sucked. 

She put her headphones in and ignored the world. 

\---

Balthazar sat next to Jaquie and smiled at her. “Hey,” he said.

Jaquie raised her eyebrows and put her pencil down. “What’s up?” she asked.

“What are you working on?” he asked. 

“Math,” she said. “It’s so fun.”

“Oh, yeah, math is okay,” Balthazar said mildly. 

Jaquie looked at him for a moment with narrowed eyes. “What’s up, Balthazar? I can tell you’re about to give me a necessary talk.”

“Well,” he said, “it’s been a month since Hero left.”

“Yeah…” Jaquie said. “So?”

“So you haven’t really had fun in that month,” Balthazar said smoothly. “And Peter and I are starting to really get worried about you. Like, are you okay? Do you need to talk to anybody about this? Do you miss her?”

Jaquie blinked, surprised. “Do I miss her?”

“Yeah. You two were pretty… close at one point,” Balthazar said. 

She laughed. “Yeah, I mean, we made out one night. That doesn’t mean she was the love of my life or anything.”

He raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, Balthazar, just say what you’re going to say,” Jaquie finally said. 

“I think you need to call Hero. Or something.” Balthazar stood up. “Just talk to her. Figure out what’s going on with you so that we can get Jaquie back. We all miss you.”

Jaquie put on her Russian accent. “Yes, well, I miss Jaquie, too, but she has unfortunately moved to Russia. Please leave a message after the beep.”

“What?” Balthazar asked.

“I don’t even know, man,” Jaquie said in her regular voice. “I’m so tired.”

“I know.” Balthazar nodded. “Me, too.”

\---

Jaquie never called Hero. 

It wouldn’t turn out well for her, she figured. Hero Duke would just reject her and that would be that. There would be no more kissing, no more touches, no prospect of love. So, she just let it go. She went to work, came home with people about once a week, tried to lose herself in the arms of another, never finding what she was looking for. 

Months passed. She found little things in the world that kept her happy. Flowers blooming. The sound of a violin being tuned. The sun rose and the sun set, day after day, night after night. Life had achieved a peaceful order, one that Jaquie found herself in the middle of. She went to hang out with friends, had coffee with some people, and would just sit on the couch with Peter and Balthazar most days, calm and quiet. 

It was nice. Jaquie noticed details everywhere she went. 

It was calm. And gentle. 

\---

She ran into Costa at a coffee shop one day. 

“Jaquie!” Costa called as soon as she walked through the door.

Jaquie turned slowly and stared at him before recovering herself and waving. “Hi, Costa,” she said, before heading to the counter to order. 

Not surprisingly, Costa followed her eagerly. “Jaquie, I haven’t seen you in such a long time! How are you doing?” 

“Good, good,” she said amiably. “Just going to school, hanging out with my flatmates, working. Not doing a lot.”

“Good.” Costa nodded. “It’s nice to see you smiling.”

Jaquie laughed a little. “I smile all the time.”

“Yeah?” he asked. “Smile at what?”

“I don’t know,” Jaquie said, surprised. “Anything I think deserves a smile.”

Costa’s own grin grew. “You know something?” he asked.

Jaquie reached the front of the line and ordered her drink before turning back to Costa. “What, Costa?”

“You have become soft,” Costa said, almost gleefully. “Isn’t that great?”

Jaquie paused and thought for a moment. “Oh.” She hesitated. “Oh, yeah, okay, sure. I’ll see you later, Costa?”

“Sure, Jaquie.” He smiled at her and patted her shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”

She walked out of the coffee shop almost in a daze. 

Damn Costa and his words of wisdom. 

\---

Jaquie walked through the door seven months after Hero left the flat and stopped right before crossing over into the living room. “Hey,” she said, openly staring.

“Hey,” Hero said. She had her hands in her pockets and was rocking back and forth awkwardly. Her hair was longer, at her waist, and was curled slightly at the end. Her eyes were huge as she looked everywhere but directly at Jaquie.

“Um, what’s up?” Jaquie asked after a moment, slowly coming into the room. 

“Nothing,” Hero said, shrugging. “Just… just moved in.”

“What?” Jaquie asked. She stared at Hero before quickly striding over to Peter’s door. “Pete, are you in there?”

Peter poked his head out after a moment. “Oh, yeah, we didn’t tell you Hero was moving in, but she is.” He winked at her discreetly and whispered, “You’re welcome.”

His door shut and Jaquie stared at a blank door for a moment before she lifted her hand and pounded on it. “Peter Donaldson, open up!” 

He opened the door again, fully this time, revealing Balthazar in a state of undress Jaquie didn’t want to think about. “Yes?” Peter asked, fully composed. 

“Look, Hero, no offense, but this is something you discuss with your flatmates, Peter,” Jaquie said. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me someone else was moving in?”

Peter glanced back at Balthazar. “Um, I really….”

“Because that’s really fucking stupid,” Jaquie added. “What if I had thought Hero was a burglar and shot her or something?”

“You have a gun?” Hero asked from behind her.

“Of course not,” Jaquie said, glancing at her momentarily. “It’s theoretical.”

“Sorry, Jaqs, I just didn’t tell you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to my boyfriend.” Peter shut the door and Jaquie heard him turn the lock.

She frowned and turned to Hero. “Hey,” she said, trying to sound warm and friendly, but feeling her heart pound against her ribcage. “What’s up? Need help unpacking?”

Hero was watching her closely. “No, thanks, I’m good.” She took a step forward. “How have you been? I never heard from you.”

“Did you want to?” Jaquie asked, unable to keep the bitter tone from her voice.

“Did I…” Hero laughed softly. “Jaquie.”

“Yes?” Jaquie was trying hard not to read into the soft look Hero was giving her. 

Hero quickly walked over to Jaquie and reached her hand up to touch Jaquie’s face. “Hey,” she said. “I missed you. I wanted to hear from you.”

“But you never contacted me,” Jaquie said dubiously. 

Hero’s hand slipped and she took a step back. “Um, well, after the night, you know… Costa’s play…”

Jaquie nodded.

“You didn’t really take the time to talk to me after that night so I assumed you regretted it or I was just… a one-time thing or something.” Hero bit her lip and twisted her sweater sleeve in her hand, letting her eyes flit back up to Jaquie’s, a clear invitation in her eyes.

Jaquie felt a stirring in her heart and she took in Hero Duke, literal angel, standing in front of her, basically telling her that she wanted to be more than friends. 

They looked at each other for a few charged moments before Jaquie reached out and, taking Hero’s face in her hands, pressed their mouths together, prayed she wasn’t wrong.

Hero responded instantly, wrapping her arms around Jaquie’s neck and weaving her fingers through her hair, and suddenly, it wasn’t kissing; instead, it was poetry and light, and Jaquie had never quite felt so full. 

\---

“God, why am I taking these classes?” Hero complained a few months later, storming into Jaquie’s room. “Why did I come here to take these horrible, hard classes?”

Jaquie smirked at her. “To be with me.”

“Whatever,” Hero said, rolling her eyes. She turned to Balthazar, who was sitting with Peter on Jaquie’s bed. “Balthazar, do you know anything about the theories of abandonment?”

“No, sorry,” Balthazar said. 

Hero frowned and just stood there, looking lost and small. 

Jaquie grinned and held out her hands. “Come on,” she said.

Hero came over and sat on Jaquie’s lap. “I hate this,” she whined. 

“I know, babe, I know,” Jaquie crooned. She wrapped her arms around Hero’s waist and put her cheek on Hero’s forehead. “It’ll be okay. You just need a break.”

Hero turned enough so she could see Jaquie’s face. “I love you,” she said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Jaquie’s mouth.

Peter groaned. “God, is this what we look like to other people?” he asked Balthazar. “Because, if so, we can’t ever kiss in front of people ever again.”

“I don’t know; I think they’re pretty cute,” Balthazar said. 

“Hell, yeah, we are.” Jaquie smiled up at Hero. “We’re the fucking cutest.”

Hero kissed her again, and, yeah. They were cute.

**Author's Note:**

> not shown in the fic:  
> -peter and balthazar apologize for not telling jaquie that hero was moving in  
> -hero and jaquie have a real, like, actual talk about feelings and stuff like that  
> -hero determines that she's bisexual  
> -they meet up with freddie and meg at one point and are basically just a bunch of super gay girls all hanging out and having strong female friendships heck yeah
> 
> hashtag love it


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